Pancreas cancer

ellarose110

My dad has pancreatic cancer.

In the past he had complained every now and then of heart burn and stomach pain but nothing anyone took a lot of notice to, seeing as he’s enjoyed a few drinks over his lifetime. Although this stomach pain randomly became a whole lot worse over the course of a couple of weeks about 2 months ago. I convinced dad to get it checked out and within a day or so he was yellow from jaundice and in a hospital bed being told he has stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

They gave him the expectancy of 4 months within the week we found out, it’s been 2 months now and he has gone from 95kg to 65kg. He was into body building so you could imagine how different his body looks now.

My anxiety and panic attacks have been unbearable the past few weeks but today at the hospital talking about dads wishes -etc, I just stopped being able to breathe and had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had. The nurses helped me out and calmed me down but Dad had to see it right before he went into surgery and I could see how worried he was in his eyes. I’m so embarrassed and upset I couldn’t keep it together for him but I couldn’t control it.

I am so scared of what the next month or so has in store and I don’t know how I’m going to cope, it’s only just starting to sink in that he won’t be here soon. I’m normally good at managing my anxiety now, I’m 19 and the last time I was having severe panic attacks was years ago but today freaked me out because I remembered how scary it gets when you don’t have control over them.

If you have any similar experiences, coping mechanisms or anything you want share with me, please do. Even suggestions of special things you can make/ do in their last weeks :)