Undertstanding. Accepting. Embracing

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Jessaydaa

   Hey GUYS! Hope that everyone is groovin along marvellously through this horrible winter. I always have had a love-hate relationship with winter to be completely honest; the moments where you can wrap yourself with tonnes of blankets with a sneaky hot-choccy at midnight to the more horrible ones like waiting outside at 5am for your bus that never shows up cause 1. #SydneyTransport and 2. you're not quite sufficient at being an adult yet to get your Ps (or Ls).

   So to begin I just want to say that ... I honestly adore this space. I believe that growth and development comes from sharing experiences and engaging in meaningful connections and the passing of learnt knowledge. This is a space where I can be quite raw with my feelings and where I can creatively and freely express my thoughts and feelings in hopes of achieving something greater. That is the basis of all my blogging to be honest!

   This blog is really about these three words; understanding, accepting and embracing. i really feel like the past few months I have gone on such a personal journey and such a transformation within myself and within my beliefs and this is why. So just as a background thing I'm currently completing my Diploma of Nursing Degree and I. CAN. NOT. WAIT. For the last three weeks I've been on clinical placement where I get to go in real wards and look after real people. I was placed in Oncology/Haematology which is quite close to home cause I was diagnosed with blood cancer. I knew that emotions may pop up but I was ready! I was prepared and I was in it for the kill! However within the first week I was hit with a reality slap that things may not turn out the way I've planned. Due to the nature of the ward itself and me being at the stage where I am with my training, I wasn't able to do most of the tasks on the ward and often left on the side cause I'm not qualified to do most of the stuff. I was gutted. I was so disappointed in myself that I contemplate my whole decision for being a nurse and I push myself down to the point where I would just have no motivation for anything.

   It was rough. I'd had imagine myself to be this golden nursing student who tenders to all care and save lives and kisses babies on fore heads but I wasn't able to achieve that.

   Then it really hit me that... this is not in my control. I cant beat myself down and be disappointed in myself when I'm not qualified to do the tasks that is required clinically. But the tasks that I can do ... you know that I will do it darn well. so from the second week on, I put my big boy pants and ... I legit cannot express how much I've grown to not only be a better nurse but also a better person within my life.

   To understand, accept and embrace. You know... for me this is like one of those things that people say and you know is true and all that but you can never fully appreciate it until you've experienced it yourself.

   "We are only humans. We are not perfect. We all have flaws"

Sound familiar doesn't it? This is a concept that I know is true because I understand that human are not complete creatures and to be a human means that we do have imperfections. I understand and I accept that notion completely. I feel now though that I'm really learning how to embrace it. Embrace what it is to be a human. Embrace all my greatness and all my flaws.

   I'm a very impatient person. I set a high standard for myself and so I do set a high standard for people. I give the world and sometimes I expect the world. Sometimes I pitied myself or others and sometimes I am the person I do not wish to show a lot of people. I take pride in myself and I hate showing vulnerability.

   But its okay.

   It's okay to be the way I am. It's okay to not be as strong or as bubbly or as cheerful and joyous about life all the time. It's okay to have down days where you are gloomy. I have so many great qualities within me which I love and nurture a lot. But I also have this uglier side of me that needs love too. To give self love and to be self compassionate. You will never really understand what a lot of things mean until it happens to you. "Motivation is intrinsic". So does love. Kindness. Compassion.

  I've seen my flaws and my greatness. I'm understanding now how they have shaped me and the people around me. I'm accepting me. All of my greatness and flaws are loved by me. I'm embracing. Embracing what it is to be me and to authentically express myself to world and inspire people.