My Dad's Agressive Cancer

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christaay

This is my first time posting and I didn't think I would post anything when I first found out about my dads cancer in late November. But I have a very busy and stressful life and I've been trying to ignore what's happening with my dad because I don't want it to affect the rest of my life but as things get worse I can feel it creeping up from my subconscious to my everyday thoughts. 

He was diagnosed with stage 4 primary lung and secondary agressive bone cancer on the 23rd of November 2018 and due to the aggressiveness of the cancer he was only given a few months to live. But I mean anything can happen right? Anyway, I also had just accepted a new job working full time straight out of uni and was preparing to move out of home too (I'm 22). I've moved two hours away from my family and friends and whole life and it's a big change just having all that happening. So to find out that my dad might not make it til next Christmas really broke me. But I'm trying to stay so strong. 

Anyway, he moved out of his home and into my grandmas (his mums) home and she's basically his full time carer. The lung cancer isn't affectingly him but he has tumours all down his spine, in his hips, shoulders, chest, and the leptominigi layer around his brain. So this affects his memory and speech and motor skills as well as putting him in lots of pain. 

He finished radiation therapy in January and decided not to do chemo because there's no evidence it will help with his type of cancer. The radiation was great, and the steroids he was on was giving him an appetite and helping with the swelling in the brain. But now he's stopped them and his appetite has practically vanished. He doesn't really understand fully what's happening anymore but maybe that's a good thing?... he thinks he's going to get better and get his muscle strength back but we (family) know that's not going to happen. 

The doc said once he stops eating and starts losing more weight then that's the indicator there's only 6 weeks or so left for him in this lifetime and now I know it's at that point I'm really struggling. Trying to keep busy helps for sure, but then I'm just burning myself out and my poor body is under too much stress. I think I will have to take more time off work, they are very supportive which is good. But still. I guess it would be nice to talk to someone who has been through something similar. I don't know. I need to talk about it and I think I'm ready to feel all the emotions but god I am not ready to lose my dad. He's like my best friend and has taught me so much. It's just not fair.